Up for Her:
Things came unglued in Eden. Becoming a husband gave me a whole new perspective into Adam’s mindset as Genesis 3 opens. I was 42 when I got married. I’d never been married before and it was quite the transition.
I used to think of Adam as this wimpy little guy who was afraid speak up, but marriage certainly changed that. When we read in Genesis 2:15, “The LORD God took the man and dedicated him in the Garden of Eden to cultivate her and watch over her,” there is nothing about leading; instead Adam’s responsibility is all about SERVING her.
Things go sideways and come unglued when we attempt to lead rather than serve. Nobody (except God, Adam, and Eve) know the specifics of what happened between Genesis 2:22, “Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man,” and the opening of Genesis 3 (where Adam stands idly by as Eve is led into eating the forbidden fruit), but being married has given me some insight into certain possibilities.
Trying to lead a woman is like trying to wrangle cats. Women say they want a man who is a strong leader, but that’s not really the case at all. Women want men to do the very thing that God created men to do - to cultivate her and watch over her, i.e. to serve her.
James and John’s mother came to Jesus she asked, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.” James and John (the Sons of Thunder) acted more like kindergartners - hiding behind their Mommy and getting her to ask Jesus for positions of leadership and power for her boys.
We know this because Jesus doesn’t address “Mom,” but rather we read, “Jesus said to them, ‘Can you (plural) drink the cup I am going to drink?’” Jesus then points out the stark contrast between leading and serving.
We know this because Jesus doesn’t address “Mom,” but rather we read, “Jesus said to them, ‘Can you (plural) drink the cup I am going to drink?’” Jesus then points out the stark contrast between leading and serving.
Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Jesus’ point is that serving does not flow out of leadership. When leading, or "effective servant leadership" is the goal then we - as fallen, selfish, and depraved humanity - always turn leading and leadership into a self-serving enterprise. Leading and exercising authority is not the heart of a servant.
In Ephesians we read, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” This passage has been repeatedly twisted by men and the church in order to do the very thing Jesus explicitly rebukes his disciples for doing, “their officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you.”
Wives are to submit to their husbands only to the extent that they are loved and served by their husbands “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Serving does not naturally flow from leading, but leading does naturally flow from serving.
My guess is that Adam tried to “lead” his wife and to “exercise authority” over her. My guess is that Eve - as with all women - was rightly having none of it.
God created humanity to be in community with one another (image) as equal partners with distinct roles and to serve one another in selfless love. That's exactly what our God of Trinity is "like," and that's what it means to be made in the likeness of God (Gen 1:26). God did not create man to “lead,” which is exclusively the office of the Holy Spirit, but rather to cultivate her and watch over her, which amounts to serve her - Just as Christ gave / laid down His life without counting the cost for His Bride the Church.
God created humanity to be in community with one another (image) as equal partners with distinct roles and to serve one another in selfless love. That's exactly what our God of Trinity is "like," and that's what it means to be made in the likeness of God (Gen 1:26). God did not create man to “lead,” which is exclusively the office of the Holy Spirit, but rather to cultivate her and watch over her, which amounts to serve her - Just as Christ gave / laid down His life without counting the cost for His Bride the Church.
In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
What reason?
The διακονία, (Greek for service/ministry) of a man is to cultivate his wife and to watch over her. If you're not ready to lay down your life and serve a woman without ever counting the cost then you are merely an adolescent who should still be living with mommy and daddy.
When you're ready to give up the toys, the games, the extended childhood and 1) reject passivity, 2) invest eternally, 3) accept responsibility, and 4) live courageously... and serve your wife and family, then - and only then - are you ready to be a man.
When you're ready to give up the toys, the games, the extended childhood and 1) reject passivity, 2) invest eternally, 3) accept responsibility, and 4) live courageously... and serve your wife and family, then - and only then - are you ready to be a man.
We know this because that exact passage from Genesis 2:24 reappears in Ephesians 5:31. Jesus left His Father in heaven, and He left His mother, Mary, in order to cultivate her (the Bride of Christ is the Church) and watch over her, i.e. serve her.
My guess is that in striving to “lead” his wife rather than to “serve” her, Adam became incredibly frustrated and Eve began longing for more. This created the perfect breeding ground for temptation, rebellion, and the death of humanity.
Men become frustrated when we try to lead because that’s NOT who or what God designed for us to be or do. God created us to serve (likeness) as partners in community (image), which begins with that special woman God blesses us with (or is preparing the blessing) as our wife.
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.”
-Proverbs 18:22
Altruism never leads to frustration and apathy because it is never self-serving but abounding in love and source in the supernatural, bottomless wellspring that is God Almighty.
If you’re feeling frustrated and apathetic in your marriage the problem isn’t with your wife - the problem is with you in being the man God ordained to cultivate her, watch over her, and serve her as the treasure she is from God.
If you’re feeling frustrated and apathetic in your marriage the problem isn’t with your wife - the problem is with you in being the man God ordained to cultivate her, watch over her, and serve her as the treasure she is from God.
Christ gave Himself up for His Bride. Will you give yourself up for your bride?
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. -John 15:13
Blessings,
-Kevin M. Kelley
aMostUnlikelyDisciple.com
aMostUnlikelyDisciple.com
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