Snowflake Power

Snowflake Power:

I’m boycotting Starbucks for their blatant anti-Christmas stance.

Dropping snowflakes from their caffeine-laden beverages is truly unacceptable. The heinous discrimination against supercooled cloud droplets must be stopped!

Christians everywhere stand with me in boycotting Starbucks!!!

I began to herald my righteous cause on Facebook, but then realized… Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook’s founder, is a professing atheist.

So while Facebook upholds the power and purity of the snowflake… Facebook is clearly an anti-Christian, thus anti-Christmas organization. So Facebook almost made the boycott list too…

Then I realized I’d have to give up selfies in the bathroom mirror, AND my addiction to FarmVille (not).

I picked up my iPhone to spam all my friends and contacts, but…

Come to find out Steve Jobs, one of Apple’s founders, rejected Christianity! Come to think about it… Apple doesn’t put snowflakes on anything that I can remember...

So I’ll use my Yahoo! account…  Jerry & David – BIG – snowflake guys! 12 years worth of emails down the tubes...  Can't do it.

Arrrgggghh! They almost made the boycott list too.

This is getting to be a lot of work.

My wireless carrier…  Secular Humanists and NO snowflakes!!!

BOYCOTT!!!  Ooops. No discount on bundling internet and TV…

So close.

Okay, so I’m taking a publicly FIRM, yet subtly lukewarm, position on Starbucks and snowflake discrimination.

I am not happy about their blatant anti-Snowflake stance.

Snowflakes are what Christmas is ALL about! (Quiet Australia!)

Snowflakes, elves, sparkly ornate pine trees in our living rooms…

All screaming the Messiah's advent!!! The dropping of the snowflake is the final stra…

Oh wait…  My wife found a Starbucks giftcard with money still on it!!!

My hard-and-fast passive/aggressive stance will have to resume later.

I’m off to grab a Frappuccino… err, I mean fulfill the mission of God!

This isn’t over Starbucks!!! You’ve been given NOTICE!

Blessings,

-Kevin